Normal for Me

I had a thought that seemed worth sharing, so I'm turning a blind eye to my messy house and recording this for all two of my readers :). The kids and I went to Blockbuster yesterday for some mid-week entertainment, and after the kids went to bed, I watched "The Jane Austen Book Club." It was a fine movie--Dave wouldn't have let me waste 99 cents on it, but for mindless escapism at the end of a long day, it was fine. Cute outfits, some reminiscing about Jane Austen books, beautiful people. Afterward, I was thinking about the world view it was assuming as its premise, and I articulated to myself something that had been a minor but pervasive irritation throughout the movie. It was normalizing--not necessarily glorifying, but definitely normalizing--sexual behaviors and assumptions that are just totally not normal in my mundane life. It wasn't all bad--the two marriages in the movie ended up stronger than they began, although they both went through infidelity of various degrees of severity to get there. And it certainly normalized things that are great to normalize--bike-riding as an alternative to driving, reading as a social experience, supporting friends who are going through hard times. But the feel-good resolution to the movie was two of the characters finally yielding to their passion for each other and the loveable daughter finding a new fling when her previous girlfriend betrayed her. So the movie was definitely normalizing sex outside of marriage, promiscuity across all sexual orientations, infidelity as an inevitable part of marriage, the pursuit of multiple (times 7) marriage partners as a great life adventure, etc.

Now, my feeling wasn't necessarily that this was a terrible movie because of all of these things and how dare Hollywood continue its assault upon family values and what is this world coming to. I hope that I will never reduce people to their sexual orientations or behaviors and dismiss them summarily based on those categories. [nb: I don't mind dismissing movies summarily based on those categories--no tears for me over not being able to watch Black Swan or any of the other Oscar contenders from the past few years]. A few years ago when I worked with a girl who was living with her boyfriend, I wanted to see her as a complete person, not just as someone "living in sin" (her words--she was joking about it with someone else in the office), and as we became friends, I saw her as someone who worked hard, who was competent, who had a great sense of fashion, who was tolerant of my propensity toward loud classical music in a small space. So to portray people living in a wide variety of relationships doesn't necessarily bother me--there are neighbors and friends all around who live in those situations and who are valuable parts of my life.

But what I realized was that my normal--my wait-till-you're-married, find-value-in-children, no-affairs-necessary--was just absent. Nowhere to be seen in this movie. And I realized that what was bothering me was the possibility that my normal may become so quaint--no, so antiquated--that it is summarily dismissed as irrelevant and unrealistic. What, you think teenagers can remain virgins through high school? Impossible. You think kids do best with a mom and dad who love each other? Old-fashioned. You think promiscuity is stupid? Judgmental.

And now we've arrived at the point of my thought that seemed worth sharing (I know, it took a while to get here). I can't necessarily make a movie showing my normal. I won't have the reach of Hollywood on popular culture. But at the very least, I can be open about my normal. I can make a place for my normal. I can show that my normal doesn't necessarily mean impossible, old-fashioned, and judgmental. Or irrelevant and unrealistic. And I have ways of putting my normal out there, limited though they may be. Thank you, Facebook, for allowing us to live our lives publicly. And, of course, the normal conversations at the park, at the pre-school, in the street. Those are forums where I can show what my normal is. And hopefully I will be able to be a part of making a healthy, viable place for a Mormon normal in American life.

So what is my normal? My normal is a priceless childhood where I learned to share and love and work with 10 brothers and sisters and a mother and father who were faithful to each other and their religion. My normal is going to church for up to 4 hours every Sunday. My normal is singing hymns at the top of my lungs when I feel like I'm about to keel over from the powerlessness of caring for small children and babies. My normal is finding myself grateful and surprised and humbled by the unfailing support and fellowship of a church family. My normal is having complete, implicit confidence in my husband's devotion and fidelity to me and our family. My normal is praying throughout the day, and especially when I'm feeling frustrated, tired, or discouraged. My normal is feeling joy in the goodness of God to me and my family.    

And lest I end on too impossible, old-fashioned, and unrealistic a note, I should disclose that my normal is also scrounging out all of the chocolate in the house around 3 in the afternoon, routinely failing to get my laundry fully clean, and living with a perpetually dirty bathroom :).